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Mysterious Logbook: Difference between revisions
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:<span style="color:#008080;">Imagine stumbling upon an inscription in the desert: </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Imagine stumbling upon an inscription in the desert: </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">“I am Ozymandias, king of kings. Look upon my works. Or | :<span style="color:#008080;">“I am Ozymandias, king of kings. Look upon my works. Or don't. I really don't care." </span> | ||
Until I can synthesize my own version of the mind fluid, the Vex are <br> | Until I can synthesize my own version of the mind fluid, the Vex are <br> | ||
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Their first exoskeletons were probably soft shells of shielding gelatin. <br> | Their first exoskeletons were probably soft shells of shielding gelatin. <br> | ||
Just sacs of ooze. How far | Just sacs of ooze. How far they've come. | ||
It is admittedly interesting to consider the philosophical consequences of <br> | It is admittedly interesting to consider the philosophical consequences of <br> | ||
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difference between reality and simulation to them. Inside is the same as <br> | difference between reality and simulation to them. Inside is the same as <br> | ||
outside, and the two must be made to correspond. Oh, they are creative— <br> | outside, and the two must be made to correspond. Oh, they are creative— <br> | ||
don't mistake me—but their creativity is demanding. It is the creativity <br> | |||
of a furnace. | of a furnace. | ||
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myself, Doctor, then I have an ethical obligation to avoid death.” | myself, Doctor, then I have an ethical obligation to avoid death.” | ||
“That's your ''son's'' quote,” she snapped. “You know, I've seen the video of <br> | |||
his final days. That naked, white exo, just paramuscle and soft membrane, <br> | his final days. That naked, white exo, just paramuscle and soft membrane, <br> | ||
writhing in its cradle. When you were done with him, he looked like nothing <br> | writhing in its cradle. When you were done with him, he looked like nothing <br> | ||
more than a slug, Clovis. A twisted, limbless giblet. Did you ‘support and <br> | more than a slug, Clovis. A twisted, limbless giblet. Did you ‘support and <br> | ||
nurture' him while you tortured him to death?" | |||
I immediately ordered M. Sundaresh transferred to the Vex lab to perform <br> | I immediately ordered M. Sundaresh transferred to the Vex lab to perform <br> | ||
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I had assumed that the need for these irritations would pass since there <br> | I had assumed that the need for these irritations would pass since there <br> | ||
would be no shortage or accumulation of poisons to trigger them. But <br> | would be no shortage or accumulation of poisons to trigger them. But <br> | ||
evolution's tangled ways cannot be so easily rationalized. I was wrong. <br> | |||
Their brains concluded that all of their internal processes failed. No <br> | Their brains concluded that all of their internal processes failed. No <br> | ||
digestion, no breath, no heartbeat, no sense of interoceptive health... <br> | digestion, no breath, no heartbeat, no sense of interoceptive health... <br> | ||
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permanent yet undying cardiac arrest. | permanent yet undying cardiac arrest. | ||
Alas, mimicry of | Alas, mimicry of life's trivialities is not an interesting problem. I <br> | ||
will leave this change in the hands of others. | will leave this change in the hands of others. | ||
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With the exobody project proceeding apace, I believe the time <br> | With the exobody project proceeding apace, I believe the time <br> | ||
approaches to decant myself from this dying body and enter my <br> | approaches to decant myself from this dying body and enter my <br> | ||
assistant's form. | |||
But if I do, will I lose my own memories? Will I cease to be myself? <br> | But if I do, will I lose my own memories? Will I cease to be myself? <br> | ||
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Elisabeth agrees with my prescription. She is eager to solve our security <br> | Elisabeth agrees with my prescription. She is eager to solve our security <br> | ||
issues and stand up exo production at the backup sites. Of course, we only <br> | issues and stand up exo production at the backup sites. Of course, we only <br> | ||
have one Clarity Control, but ''she'' hardly knows that, and | have one Clarity Control, but ''she'' hardly knows that, and she's stopped <br> | ||
asking so many questions. In truth, I think | asking so many questions. In truth, I think she's ready to abandon her <br> | ||
doomed body and make the upgrade. | doomed body and make the upgrade. | ||
I'll give her silence on that front a few more days, and then she'll <br> | |||
surely volunteer herself. | surely volunteer herself. | ||
Less apparent is how to solve my own infection. | Less apparent is how to solve my own infection. | ||
There are abnormal structures in the fiber of my | There are abnormal structures in the fiber of my body's extracellular matrix. <br> | ||
A mess of tiny lenses growing in my deepest flesh. | A mess of tiny lenses growing in my deepest flesh. | ||
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==NOTE—Exo Interferometrics== | ==NOTE—Exo Interferometrics== | ||
While working on this persistent “tower” glitch in the | While working on this persistent “tower” glitch in the exos' sleep-cycle <br> | ||
dreams, I have been poring over neural telemetry from site employees <br> | dreams, I have been poring over neural telemetry from site employees <br> | ||
and my own exos, searching for preconscious influences on their <br> | and my own exos, searching for preconscious influences on their <br> | ||
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If the gods do not whisper loudly enough—conduct interferometry. | If the gods do not whisper loudly enough—conduct interferometry. | ||
== | ==NOTE—Elisabeth's Upload== | ||
She's done it. My girl has transubstantiated. My legacy is safe. | |||
To my irritation, it was the Vex problem that finally made up her <br> | To my irritation, it was the Vex problem that finally made up her <br> | ||
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Elisabeth came to see me in my laboratory. On the way in, she did <br> | Elisabeth came to see me in my laboratory. On the way in, she did <br> | ||
something with her sensorium and crashed all of my archival systems. <br> | something with her sensorium and crashed all of my archival systems. <br> | ||
I knew right then that | I knew right then that I'd won. She'd come to surrender, and her pride <br> | ||
refused to allow me to record it. I waited most patiently as she gave <br> | refused to allow me to record it. I waited most patiently as she gave <br> | ||
me an earful. Some of it frankly bewildering. She threatened to turn <br> | me an earful. Some of it frankly bewildering. She threatened to turn <br> | ||
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If she needed to put up a token resistance to protect her dignity, fine. <br> | If she needed to put up a token resistance to protect her dignity, fine. <br> | ||
I understand pride. I also understand that she only had the courage to <br> | I understand pride. I also understand that she only had the courage to <br> | ||
lash out at me because she knew she | lash out at me because she knew she wouldn't remember any of it. | ||
When she finished accusing me of underestimating the Vex and of using my <br> | When she finished accusing me of underestimating the Vex and of using my <br> | ||
| Line 2,083: | Line 2,083: | ||
I immediately assented. | I immediately assented. | ||
The scan was flawless, and of course, fatally toxic. My | The scan was flawless, and of course, fatally toxic. My granddaughter's <br> | ||
human form died on the table 14 hours later. To spare any distress, I never <br> | human form died on the table 14 hours later. To spare any distress, I never <br> | ||
allowed it to regain consciousness. A natural process. | allowed it to regain consciousness. A natural process. | ||
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My own body disintegrates apace. But I need more time to analyze <br> | My own body disintegrates apace. But I need more time to analyze <br> | ||
Elisabeth's fidelity before I commit myself permanently to the <br> | |||
process. | process. | ||
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still transmit with my sensorium. IS THAT YOU? | still transmit with my sensorium. IS THAT YOU? | ||
“No,” said the voice behind the red eye. | “No,” said the voice behind the red eye. “It's me.” | ||
Sundaresh. | Sundaresh. | ||
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was different, because the quiet made me happy. I was glad to be alone.” | was different, because the quiet made me happy. I was glad to be alone.” | ||
VEX, I screamed at her. | VEX, I screamed at her. YOU'RE A VEX. YOU'RE NOT REAL AND YOU CAN'T HURT ME. | ||
“Can't I?” She grasped my spinal cord. A frame shadowed her motions, <br> | |||
lifting the cord like a snake. “Of course | lifting the cord like a snake. “Of course I'm not a Vex. Is there “a” Vex? <br> | ||
Is “Vex” something you can be, rather than something that you do? I | Is “Vex” something you can be, rather than something that you do? I don't <br> | ||
know. I | know. I don't know why they sent me here. I don't know if they do either. <br> | ||
They just ''do'' things. Why do you think | They just ''do'' things. Why do you think I'm here, Clovis?” | ||
“To kill me,” I whispered. Without a heartbeat to waver, without lungs to <br> | “To kill me,” I whispered. Without a heartbeat to waver, without lungs to <br> | ||
seize and choke, could I even feel fear? I discovered that I could. | seize and choke, could I even feel fear? I discovered that I could. “You're <br> | ||
an assassin...” | an assassin...” | ||
“No,” Sundaresh whispered. The red eye throbbed in time with her voice. “The <br> | “No,” Sundaresh whispered. The red eye throbbed in time with her voice. “The <br> | ||
Vex | Vex don't act so directly. They didn't know what you found here, but I <br> | ||
discovered your secret: Clarity Control. And once I tell them, they ''will'' <br> | discovered your secret: Clarity Control. And once I tell them, they ''will'' <br> | ||
come for it.” | come for it.” | ||
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found. Do that, Clovis, and I will let you live.” | found. Do that, Clovis, and I will let you live.” | ||
“You | “You aren't real. You can't hurt me.” | ||
“Oh, Clovis.” One of the surgical frames extended a monofilament cutter, two <br> | “Oh, Clovis.” One of the surgical frames extended a monofilament cutter, two <br> | ||
inches of invisible wire, and reached into my nerves. Something sounded like <br> | inches of invisible wire, and reached into my nerves. Something sounded like <br> | ||
scissors snipping. | scissors snipping. “I'm in these frames. I'm in your systems. I'm in your very <br> | ||
bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the | bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the garden's seed. <br> | ||
Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me—” | Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me—” | ||
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The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. <br> | The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. <br> | ||
She'll see. But somehow, I could still see the wonder in her eyes as she leaned <br> | |||
over me. | over me. | ||
“You're my grandfather,” she seemed to say. “Aren't you?” | |||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
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==NOTE—Third Vision== | ==NOTE—Third Vision== | ||
Something else happened while I was in surgery. It returns to me only now that <br> | Something else happened while I was in surgery. It returns to me only now that <br> | ||
the anti-traumatics have eased the terror of | the anti-traumatics have eased the terror of Sundaresh's presence. | ||
While I was dead, I had another vision. | While I was dead, I had another vision. | ||
I was with Clovis | I was with Clovis II's mother. She was a wolf, and one of her eyes was a star. <br> | ||
I was also a wolf, and I knew that I was the alpha—the false alpha, the pack <br> | I was also a wolf, and I knew that I was the alpha—the false alpha, the pack <br> | ||
leader who fights for dominance and rulership. A misconception created by bad <br> | leader who fights for dominance and rulership. A misconception created by bad <br> | ||
| Line 2,250: | Line 2,250: | ||
murdered by wolves like me. | murdered by wolves like me. | ||
The voice of Clovis | The voice of Clovis II's mother came from her jaws. “You did the same thing <br> | ||
someone always does. You saw that there was plenty, and gathered it to yourself, <br> | someone always does. You saw that there was plenty, and gathered it to yourself, <br> | ||
to make yourself one above all others. And when others threatened your plenty, <br> | to make yourself one above all others. And when others threatened your plenty, <br> | ||
| Line 2,260: | Line 2,260: | ||
want it to happen. I want anything else. But the choice is not mine.” | want it to happen. I want anything else. But the choice is not mine.” | ||
“Why | “Why didn't you stop me?” I tasted blood on my long tongue. “Why would you let <br> | ||
me do this?” | me do this?” | ||
She blinked sadly at me. She had been trying. I | She blinked sadly at me. She had been trying. I hadn't listened. | ||
“You never said a thing to me,” I snarled. “Not once! You never told me I was <br> | “You never said a thing to me,” I snarled. “Not once! You never told me I was <br> | ||
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themselves they are. | themselves they are. | ||
Elisabeth's episodic memories of her past life are gone, but the scan we used <br> | |||
to make her new exomind is still on file, with all its memory intact. I have <br> | to make her new exomind is still on file, with all its memory intact. I have <br> | ||
encouraged her to participate in sensorium reconstructions of those memories, <br> | encouraged her to participate in sensorium reconstructions of those memories, <br> | ||
though I steer her away from nonconstructive events. This is a chance to help <br> | though I steer her away from nonconstructive events. This is a chance to help <br> | ||
Elisabeth become the person she | Elisabeth become the person she could've been without life's cruel chaos. A <br> | ||
sleeker, surer reincarnation. | sleeker, surer reincarnation. | ||
She insisted on committing her own abandoned body to the deep, passed through <br> | She insisted on committing her own abandoned body to the deep, passed through <br> | ||
the ice to fall into | the ice to fall into Europa's dark heart. A choice I do not understand. | ||
I have not yet informed her of Clarity | I have not yet informed her of Clarity Control's existence. I cannot spare the <br> | ||
time or energy to manage her emotions. Fortunately, she has forgotten about her <br> | time or energy to manage her emotions. Fortunately, she has forgotten about her <br> | ||
ongoing attempts to intrude on that secret. | ongoing attempts to intrude on that secret. | ||
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:<span style="color:#008080;">Note: never investigate this suspicion.</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Note: never investigate this suspicion.</span> | ||
Elisabeth's goal is to observe the spread of the Vex infection in the simulated <br> | |||
mind, and then use this forecast as a basis for treatment of the physical mind. <br> | mind, and then use this forecast as a basis for treatment of the physical mind. <br> | ||
Like accelerating a disease to its terminal stage to deduce the characteristics <br> | Like accelerating a disease to its terminal stage to deduce the characteristics <br> | ||
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:<span style="color:#008080;">I am haunted by the thought that this technique resembles my own. Creating child states, allowing </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">I am haunted by the thought that this technique resembles my own. Creating child states, allowing </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">them to suffer and die, and using the data to protect the original. My | :<span style="color:#008080;">them to suffer and die, and using the data to protect the original. My boy's last days. Savaging...</span> | ||
Soon I will need to ask her about my own infection. But all in all, <br> | Soon I will need to ask her about my own infection. But all in all, <br> | ||
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probabilities. | probabilities. | ||
I was ready to make the leap myself. How long | I was ready to make the leap myself. How long I've nursed this tired old body <br> | ||
along. I am ready to be young again. | along. I am ready to be young again. | ||
And then I made a mistake. I asked her about the dreams. The tower and the dead. | And then I made a mistake. I asked her about the dreams. The tower and the dead. | ||
“You know?” she demanded. “Then | “You know?” she demanded. “Then I'm not the only one. That means you knew about <br> | ||
the dreams before you imaged and uploaded me. Do ''all'' exos have these?” | the dreams before you imaged and uploaded me. Do ''all'' exos have these?” | ||
Of course, I told her. Exos have a subconscious. Exos dream of the same things <br> | Of course, I told her. Exos have a subconscious. Exos dream of the same things <br> | ||
people do. Memories. Trauma. | people do. Memories. Trauma. Isn't there always trauma in creation? | ||
She did not see it that way. “So the manufacturing process creates an unknown <br> | She did not see it that way. “So the manufacturing process creates an unknown <br> | ||
cognitive artifact you | cognitive artifact you can't solve. And you didn't think to warn me? What else <br> | ||
have you kept from us?” | have you kept from us?” | ||
| Line 2,369: | Line 2,369: | ||
She told me that she is bringing a weapon. A way to shut down exo production <br> | She told me that she is bringing a weapon. A way to shut down exo production <br> | ||
permanently, if she uncovers something she | permanently, if she uncovers something she doesn't like. Which she will, when <br> | ||
she locates Clarity Control. | she locates Clarity Control. | ||
It cannot be allowed. | It cannot be allowed. | ||
== | ==NOTE—Elisabeth's Plea== | ||
Grandfather, | Grandfather, | ||
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if there is nothing in that future but Vex? | if there is nothing in that future but Vex? | ||
But | But there's something worse than the Vex involved, isn't there? The secret <br> | ||
you've been keeping from me. The breakthrough that you were promised after <br> | |||
your visit to the K1 anomaly. | your visit to the K1 anomaly. | ||
Do you remember that story you read to me when I was a child? I | Do you remember that story you read to me when I was a child? I don't. I am <br> | ||
an exo, after all. But I found a recording from the nursery. It was one of <br> | an exo, after all. But I found a recording from the nursery. It was one of <br> | ||
your favorites, you said. | your favorites, you said. | ||
| Line 2,423: | Line 2,423: | ||
remember thinking, as I listened to this fairy tale, that the tower must <br> | remember thinking, as I listened to this fairy tale, that the tower must <br> | ||
be the key—the answer to the formless malevolence that always accompanied <br> | be the key—the answer to the formless malevolence that always accompanied <br> | ||
the | the oracle's words. You never finished the story. I have been haunted by <br> | ||
that tower ever since. | that tower ever since. | ||
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Grandfather. And if I do not like what I find... | Grandfather. And if I do not like what I find... | ||
I visited the Jacob Hardy Trust, and with | I visited the Jacob Hardy Trust, and with Willa's help, I secured a <br> | ||
topological thought. An irreal artifact of the | topological thought. An irreal artifact of the Traveler's Light. From <br> | ||
that mote of paracausality, I have constructed a weapon that will crash <br> | that mote of paracausality, I have constructed a weapon that will crash <br> | ||
every Vex system in 2082 Volantis. When the Vex are destroyed, you will <br> | every Vex system in 2082 Volantis. When the Vex are destroyed, you will <br> | ||
| Line 2,499: | Line 2,499: | ||
</tt> | </tt> | ||
“Elisabeth. I know | “Elisabeth. I know you're listening. This is genocide, do you understand? <br> | ||
Destroying that gate and the resources beyond means the end of human <br> | Destroying that gate and the resources beyond means the end of human <br> | ||
immortality. It means the loss of uncountable trillions of human-years of <br> | immortality. It means the loss of uncountable trillions of human-years of <br> | ||
| Line 2,505: | Line 2,505: | ||
“Elisabeth, this process saved you. It could have saved your father. For <br> | “Elisabeth, this process saved you. It could have saved your father. For <br> | ||
his sake, for the sake of your sisters, | his sake, for the sake of your sisters, don't do this. Don't make me stop <br> | ||
you.” | you.” | ||
“Elisabeth, this is your last chance.” | “Elisabeth, this is your last chance.” | ||
“You've always been my favorite, Elisabeth. Please...” | |||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
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stranger to me! | stranger to me! | ||
I would kill her if she | I would kill her if she hadn't already done it herself. | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
| Line 2,589: | Line 2,589: | ||
chose correctly! I CHOSE CORRECTLY! | chose correctly! I CHOSE CORRECTLY! | ||
Gods do not repent. Gods do not relent. The Christian | Gods do not repent. Gods do not relent. The Christian God's failure <br> | ||
was not in calling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac but in halting the <br> | was not in calling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac but in halting the <br> | ||
sacrifice. For if God had gathered | sacrifice. For if God had gathered Abraham's son to Him, then <br> | ||
Abraham would have understood that it was not his role to obey God <br> | Abraham would have understood that it was not his role to obey God <br> | ||
out of hope of mercy and compassion—but out of pure submission to a <br> | out of hope of mercy and compassion—but out of pure submission to a <br> | ||
superior will. | superior will. | ||
It is not in the power of mortals to know or question | It is not in the power of mortals to know or question God's plan. <br> | ||
It is only in their power to obey. | It is only in their power to obey. | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Why | :<span style="color:#008080;">Why didn't she come to talk to me, ask me if I would change my mind at least before she did this </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">idiotic, irrevocable thing. Did she think I could not be swayed?</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">idiotic, irrevocable thing. Did she think I could not be swayed?</span> | ||
| Line 2,611: | Line 2,611: | ||
signaled them. Who, after all, was the one who flagged an alert to ''Hannu''? <br> | signaled them. Who, after all, was the one who flagged an alert to ''Hannu''? <br> | ||
Someone who used my codes, but who was not me. And without that alert, <br> | Someone who used my codes, but who was not me. And without that alert, <br> | ||
Elisabeth's sabotage on Bray Station would have succeeded. The Vex do <br> | |||
not want the Deep Stone Crypt destroyed anymore than I do... | not want the Deep Stone Crypt destroyed anymore than I do... | ||
| Line 2,688: | Line 2,688: | ||
All beaten! | All beaten! | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Was it Clovis | :<span style="color:#008080;">Was it Clovis II's mother who asked you that? When she demanded to know why you were tinkering </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">with your fetal son? Why you would risk all his potential, for the chance at a little more?</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">with your fetal son? Why you would risk all his potential, for the chance at a little more?</span> | ||
| Line 2,748: | Line 2,748: | ||
:'''CORPOREAL STATUS:''' | :'''CORPOREAL STATUS:''' | ||
:*'''Body at 36.1 C. Pulse 30 BPM, strength good. BP 120 over 60. Resp 14 breaths/minute.''' <br> | :*'''Body at 36.1 C. Pulse 30 BPM, strength good. BP 120 over 60. Resp 14 breaths/minute.''' <br> | ||
::'''Pulse ox 100%. | ::'''Pulse ox 100%. Today's blood mix is pig-grown, whole, very fresh.''' | ||
:*'''Abnormal crystalline products in blood: crystallized arylcyclohexylamine NMDA antagonist.''' <br> | :*'''Abnormal crystalline products in blood: crystallized arylcyclohexylamine NMDA antagonist.''' <br> | ||
::'''Pharmacology unknown.''' | ::'''Pharmacology unknown.''' | ||