1,599
edits
DefultNaem (talk | contribs) m (updated image formatting) |
m ((Unneeded red link.)) |
||
(8 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown) | |||
Line 10: | Line 10: | ||
===-01-=== | ===-01-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 001.png | [[File:Logbook 001.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 72: | Line 72: | ||
:*'''Avoid hyperfocus with alpha-wave brain wash''' <br> | :*'''Avoid hyperfocus with alpha-wave brain wash''' <br> | ||
::'''for 10 min/hr.''' | ::'''for 10 min/hr.''' | ||
:*'''New kidneys are growing in Whitford the deli''' <br> | :*'''New kidneys are growing in [[Whitford]] the deli''' <br> | ||
::'''pig for next transplants.''' | ::'''pig for next transplants.''' | ||
</tt> | </tt> | ||
Line 121: | Line 121: | ||
===-04-=== | ===-04-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 004.png | [[File:Logbook 004.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 138: | Line 138: | ||
==NOTE—BAROTRAUMA== | ==NOTE—BAROTRAUMA== | ||
===-05-=== | ===-05-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 005.png | [[File:Logbook 005.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
If we land too hard on Europa, we will plunge into the ocean below the ice <br> | If we land too hard on Europa, we will plunge into the ocean below the ice <br> | ||
Line 272: | Line 272: | ||
===-08-=== | ===-08-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 008.png | [[File:Logbook 008.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Sous vide is for prissy nerds. Poor Whitford. I wonder if I should reduce the volume </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Sous vide is for prissy nerds. Poor Whitford. I wonder if I should reduce the volume </span><br> | ||
Line 282: | Line 282: | ||
==NOTE—SAVAGING== | ==NOTE—SAVAGING== | ||
===-09-=== | ===-09-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 009.png | [[File:Logbook 009.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
The term for parents destroying their own offspring is "savaging." | The term for parents destroying their own offspring is "savaging." | ||
Line 302: | Line 302: | ||
==NOTE—EUROPA LIFE== | ==NOTE—EUROPA LIFE== | ||
===-010-=== | ===-010-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 010.png | [[File:Logbook 010.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
Now a bristling thing, large as a whale, appears on the icebore camera we <br> | Now a bristling thing, large as a whale, appears on the icebore camera we <br> | ||
Line 376: | Line 376: | ||
===-012-=== | ===-012-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 012.png | [[File:Logbook 012.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
I struggle to explain what I will become. The LUCA. I borrowed that term <br> | I struggle to explain what I will become. The LUCA. I borrowed that term <br> | ||
Line 515: | Line 515: | ||
==MESSAGE TO [[Anastasia Bray|BRAY, ANASTASIA]]== | ==MESSAGE TO [[Anastasia Bray|BRAY, ANASTASIA]]== | ||
===-016-=== | ===-016-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 016.png | [[File:Logbook 016.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 544: | Line 544: | ||
==MESSAGE TO [[Elisabeth Bray|BRAY, ELISABETH]]== | ==MESSAGE TO [[Elisabeth Bray|BRAY, ELISABETH]]== | ||
===-017-=== | ===-017-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 017.png | [[File:Logbook 017.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 608: | Line 608: | ||
===-019-=== | ===-019-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 019.png | [[File:Logbook 019.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
ls that interior plurality, that secret depth, why Elisabeth, Wilhelmina, <br> | ls that interior plurality, that secret depth, why Elisabeth, Wilhelmina, <br> | ||
Line 728: | Line 728: | ||
===-022-=== | ===-022-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 022.png | [[File:Logbook 022.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
When we train Ais, we knock out random neurons in each learning cycle, <br> | When we train Ais, we knock out random neurons in each learning cycle, <br> | ||
Line 801: | Line 801: | ||
===-024-=== | ===-024-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 024.png | [[File:Logbook 024.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
Within two years, you will be entirely unable to sleep. Dementia and <br> | Within two years, you will be entirely unable to sleep. Dementia and <br> | ||
Line 863: | Line 863: | ||
===-026-=== | ===-026-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 026.png | [[File:Logbook 026.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
reactor makes sense—it requires less frequent refueling than a fusion <br> | reactor makes sense—it requires less frequent refueling than a fusion <br> | ||
Line 885: | Line 885: | ||
==MESSAGE FROM BRAY, ELISABETH== | ==MESSAGE FROM BRAY, ELISABETH== | ||
===-027-=== | ===-027-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 027.png | [[File:Logbook 027.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 907: | Line 907: | ||
==ENTRY 6== | ==ENTRY 6== | ||
===-028-=== | ===-028-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 028.png | [[File:Logbook 028.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
A gate. Of course. Clarity Control is inviting me to make a GATE. | A gate. Of course. Clarity Control is inviting me to make a GATE. | ||
Line 945: | Line 945: | ||
==ENTRY 6 AMENDMENT== | ==ENTRY 6 AMENDMENT== | ||
===-029-=== | ===-029-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 029.png | [[File:Logbook 029.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
The raid on the Ishtar Collective went off flawlessly. Some casualties during <br> | The raid on the Ishtar Collective went off flawlessly. Some casualties during <br> | ||
Line 1,035: | Line 1,035: | ||
===-031-=== | ===-031-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 031.png | [[File:Logbook 031.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
Clearly a message from Clarity Control! And written in allegorical large <br> | Clearly a message from Clarity Control! And written in allegorical large <br> | ||
Line 1,243: | Line 1,243: | ||
===-036-=== | ===-036-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 036.png | [[File:Logbook 036.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
How would I find it ''here''? | How would I find it ''here''? | ||
Line 1,373: | Line 1,373: | ||
===-039-=== | ===-039-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 039.png | [[File:Logbook 039.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
Elisabeth is monumentally disturbed by this, which is highly inconvenient. <br> | Elisabeth is monumentally disturbed by this, which is highly inconvenient. <br> | ||
Line 1,503: | Line 1,503: | ||
==MESSAGE FROM BRAY, ELISABETH== | ==MESSAGE FROM BRAY, ELISABETH== | ||
===-042-=== | ===-042-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 042.png | [[File:Logbook 042.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 1,572: | Line 1,572: | ||
Unfortunately, Mr. Miller's dosage of various fixing compounds and <br> | Unfortunately, Mr. Miller's dosage of various fixing compounds and <br> | ||
imaging radiation is approaching the limits of clinical toxicity. Despite | imaging radiation is approaching the limits of clinical toxicity. Despite | ||
===-044-=== | ===-044-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 044.png | [[File:Logbook 044.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
blood and CSF washes, I fear his tumors will escape our control. I am <br> | blood and CSF washes, I fear his tumors will escape our control. I am <br> | ||
Line 1,659: | Line 1,659: | ||
===-046-=== | ===-046-=== | ||
[[File:Logbook 046.png | [[File:Logbook 046.png|thumb|400px]] | ||
to know what I'm doing with the Vex salvage, and whether it has to do with <br> | to know what I'm doing with the Vex salvage, and whether it has to do with <br> | ||
Line 1,690: | Line 1,690: | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Imagine stumbling upon an inscription in the desert: </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Imagine stumbling upon an inscription in the desert: </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;"> | :<span style="color:#008080;">"I am Ozymandias, king of kings. Look upon my works. Or don't. I really don't care." </span> | ||
Until I can synthesize my own version of the mind fluid, the Vex are <br> | Until I can synthesize my own version of the mind fluid, the Vex are <br> | ||
Line 1,713: | Line 1,713: | ||
of our own Paleolithic, but the nuclear fire of the atom. | of our own Paleolithic, but the nuclear fire of the atom. | ||
Their basic cooperative | Their basic cooperative signals—"food here," "reduce density," "generate <br> | ||
new | new colony"—must have formed the basis of swarm behavior, a simple game <br> | ||
capable of storing information in self-repeating patterns. It is not <br> | capable of storing information in self-repeating patterns. It is not <br> | ||
strictly correct to call the Vex a group mind. Rather they are one master <br> | strictly correct to call the Vex a group mind. Rather they are one master <br> | ||
Line 1,735: | Line 1,735: | ||
Their first exoskeletons were probably soft shells of shielding gelatin. <br> | Their first exoskeletons were probably soft shells of shielding gelatin. <br> | ||
Just sacs of ooze. How far | Just sacs of ooze. How far they've come. | ||
It is admittedly interesting to consider the philosophical consequences of <br> | It is admittedly interesting to consider the philosophical consequences of <br> | ||
their evolution. The Vex prove that nature is not all | their evolution. The Vex prove that nature is not all "red in tooth and <br> | ||
claw. | claw." Cooperation comes naturally to the Vex, whose great problem was <br> | ||
survival in a harsh world, not a struggle over limited resources. They <br> | survival in a harsh world, not a struggle over limited resources. They <br> | ||
never found any payoff in selfishness. Human beings may require a <br> | never found any payoff in selfishness. Human beings may require a <br> | ||
Line 1,753: | Line 1,753: | ||
difference between reality and simulation to them. Inside is the same as <br> | difference between reality and simulation to them. Inside is the same as <br> | ||
outside, and the two must be made to correspond. Oh, they are creative— <br> | outside, and the two must be made to correspond. Oh, they are creative— <br> | ||
don't mistake me—but their creativity is demanding. It is the creativity <br> | |||
of a furnace. | of a furnace. | ||
Line 1,779: | Line 1,779: | ||
to reach Clarity Control. This has forced me to rely on M. Sundaresh. | to reach Clarity Control. This has forced me to rely on M. Sundaresh. | ||
But unfortunately, M. Sundaresh confronted me after the last death. | But unfortunately, M. Sundaresh confronted me after the last death. "Nine <br> | ||
of them had the Cotard delusion! | of them had the Cotard delusion!" she screamed at me—quite hysterically. <br> | ||
"They believed they were dead! One of them told me that she was in hell, <br> | |||
and I was another damned soul sent to deceive her. Was she even wrong? <br> | and I was another damned soul sent to deceive her. Was she even wrong? <br> | ||
The rest were worse—do you know what the ''other'' principal manifestation <br> | The rest were worse—do you know what the ''other'' principal manifestation <br> | ||
of the Cotard delusion is, Clovis? | of the Cotard delusion is, Clovis?" | ||
I told her that I did not, and that I wished to proceed immediately with <br> | I told her that I did not, and that I wished to proceed immediately with <br> | ||
autopsies of their terminal brain states. | autopsies of their terminal brain states. | ||
"Delusions of immortality! At least when ''they'' insist upon it, Clovis, we <br> | |||
recognize it as a pathology! | recognize it as a pathology!" | ||
"The only true responsibility of any living thing," I reminded her, "is to <br> | |||
support and nurture the things that are most like us. And if I am most like <br> | support and nurture the things that are most like us. And if I am most like <br> | ||
myself, Doctor, then I have an ethical obligation to avoid death. | myself, Doctor, then I have an ethical obligation to avoid death." | ||
"That's your ''son's'' quote," she snapped. "You know, I've seen the video of <br> | |||
his final days. That naked, white exo, just paramuscle and soft membrane, <br> | his final days. That naked, white exo, just paramuscle and soft membrane, <br> | ||
writhing in its cradle. When you were done with him, he looked like nothing <br> | writhing in its cradle. When you were done with him, he looked like nothing <br> | ||
more than a slug, Clovis. A twisted, limbless giblet. Did you | more than a slug, Clovis. A twisted, limbless giblet. Did you 'support and <br> | ||
nurture' him while you tortured him to death?" | |||
I immediately ordered M. Sundaresh transferred to the Vex lab to perform <br> | I immediately ordered M. Sundaresh transferred to the Vex lab to perform <br> | ||
Line 1,827: | Line 1,827: | ||
I had assumed that the need for these irritations would pass since there <br> | I had assumed that the need for these irritations would pass since there <br> | ||
would be no shortage or accumulation of poisons to trigger them. But <br> | would be no shortage or accumulation of poisons to trigger them. But <br> | ||
evolution's tangled ways cannot be so easily rationalized. I was wrong. <br> | |||
Their brains concluded that all of their internal processes failed. No <br> | Their brains concluded that all of their internal processes failed. No <br> | ||
digestion, no breath, no heartbeat, no sense of interoceptive health... <br> | digestion, no breath, no heartbeat, no sense of interoceptive health... <br> | ||
Line 1,842: | Line 1,842: | ||
permanent yet undying cardiac arrest. | permanent yet undying cardiac arrest. | ||
Alas, mimicry of | Alas, mimicry of life's trivialities is not an interesting problem. I <br> | ||
will leave this change in the hands of others. | will leave this change in the hands of others. | ||
Line 1,858: | Line 1,858: | ||
From now on, we will block access to pre-upload episodic memory. We <br> | From now on, we will block access to pre-upload episodic memory. We <br> | ||
should also consider a built-in procedure to block memories formed <br> | should also consider a built-in procedure to block memories formed <br> | ||
''after'' the exobody transubstantiation, returning them to a | ''after'' the exobody transubstantiation, returning them to a "factory <br> | ||
state" should the need to restart occur. It would be very difficult <br> | |||
to actually track down and delete the full memory engrams since <br> | to actually track down and delete the full memory engrams since <br> | ||
they are stored in so many scattered parts of the brain. Instead, <br> | they are stored in so many scattered parts of the brain. Instead, <br> | ||
Line 1,870: | Line 1,870: | ||
With the exobody project proceeding apace, I believe the time <br> | With the exobody project proceeding apace, I believe the time <br> | ||
approaches to decant myself from this dying body and enter my <br> | approaches to decant myself from this dying body and enter my <br> | ||
assistant's form. | |||
But if I do, will I lose my own memories? Will I cease to be myself? <br> | But if I do, will I lose my own memories? Will I cease to be myself? <br> | ||
Line 1,898: | Line 1,898: | ||
misunderstandings. They ride our carrier waves as slight <br> | misunderstandings. They ride our carrier waves as slight <br> | ||
interference. Whenever a packet has to be resent, whenever a suited <br> | interference. Whenever a packet has to be resent, whenever a suited <br> | ||
engineer calls, | engineer calls, "Say again?" to her work partner, the repeated message— <br> | ||
adjusted to compensate for the Vex interference—encodes the negative <br> | adjusted to compensate for the Vex interference—encodes the negative <br> | ||
image of that interference and spreads the infection. | image of that interference and spreads the infection. | ||
Line 1,928: | Line 1,928: | ||
And there is the issue of... preventing panic. Too many are aware of the <br> | And there is the issue of... preventing panic. Too many are aware of the <br> | ||
rumors that the Vex spread an | rumors that the Vex spread an "existentially compromising information hazard." | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Ah, had we only been allowed to contain that mess on [[Pluto]] ourselves! That meddling </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Ah, had we only been allowed to contain that mess on [[Pluto]] ourselves! That meddling </span><br> | ||
Line 1,943: | Line 1,943: | ||
I will plan a simple extension of the memory wipes already used to fight <br> | I will plan a simple extension of the memory wipes already used to fight <br> | ||
dissociative rejection. In fact, I intend to create a | dissociative rejection. In fact, I intend to create a "noetic immune <br> | ||
system" in the exomind to trigger memory wipes when certain classes of <br> | |||
informatic hazard are detected. These will be explained to the psych team as <br> | informatic hazard are detected. These will be explained to the psych team as <br> | ||
a preventative measure against future dissociative disorders. | a preventative measure against future dissociative disorders. | ||
Line 1,958: | Line 1,958: | ||
Elisabeth agrees with my prescription. She is eager to solve our security <br> | Elisabeth agrees with my prescription. She is eager to solve our security <br> | ||
issues and stand up exo production at the backup sites. Of course, we only <br> | issues and stand up exo production at the backup sites. Of course, we only <br> | ||
have one Clarity Control, but ''she'' hardly knows that, and | have one Clarity Control, but ''she'' hardly knows that, and she's stopped <br> | ||
asking so many questions. In truth, I think | asking so many questions. In truth, I think she's ready to abandon her <br> | ||
doomed body and make the upgrade. | doomed body and make the upgrade. | ||
I'll give her silence on that front a few more days, and then she'll <br> | |||
surely volunteer herself. | surely volunteer herself. | ||
Less apparent is how to solve my own infection. | Less apparent is how to solve my own infection. | ||
There are abnormal structures in the fiber of my | There are abnormal structures in the fiber of my body's extracellular matrix. <br> | ||
A mess of tiny lenses growing in my deepest flesh. | A mess of tiny lenses growing in my deepest flesh. | ||
Line 2,022: | Line 2,022: | ||
==NOTE—Exo Interferometrics== | ==NOTE—Exo Interferometrics== | ||
While working on this persistent | While working on this persistent "tower" glitch in the exos' sleep-cycle <br> | ||
dreams, I have been poring over neural telemetry from site employees <br> | dreams, I have been poring over neural telemetry from site employees <br> | ||
and my own exos, searching for preconscious influences on their <br> | and my own exos, searching for preconscious influences on their <br> | ||
Line 2,051: | Line 2,051: | ||
If the gods do not whisper loudly enough—conduct interferometry. | If the gods do not whisper loudly enough—conduct interferometry. | ||
== | ==NOTE—Elisabeth's Upload== | ||
She's done it. My girl has transubstantiated. My legacy is safe. | |||
To my irritation, it was the Vex problem that finally made up her <br> | To my irritation, it was the Vex problem that finally made up her <br> | ||
Line 2,059: | Line 2,059: | ||
Elisabeth came to see me in my laboratory. On the way in, she did <br> | Elisabeth came to see me in my laboratory. On the way in, she did <br> | ||
something with her sensorium and crashed all of my archival systems. <br> | something with her sensorium and crashed all of my archival systems. <br> | ||
I knew right then that | I knew right then that I'd won. She'd come to surrender, and her pride <br> | ||
refused to allow me to record it. I waited most patiently as she gave <br> | refused to allow me to record it. I waited most patiently as she gave <br> | ||
me an earful. Some of it frankly bewildering. She threatened to turn <br> | me an earful. Some of it frankly bewildering. She threatened to turn <br> | ||
me over to The Hague. Also referred to PFHOR as a | me over to The Hague. Also referred to PFHOR as a "deranged narcissist <br> | ||
morality" and suggested it stood for "Paternal Failure Hides Own Remorse," <br> | |||
which made me laugh. | which made me laugh. | ||
Line 2,074: | Line 2,074: | ||
If she needed to put up a token resistance to protect her dignity, fine. <br> | If she needed to put up a token resistance to protect her dignity, fine. <br> | ||
I understand pride. I also understand that she only had the courage to <br> | I understand pride. I also understand that she only had the courage to <br> | ||
lash out at me because she knew she | lash out at me because she knew she wouldn't remember any of it. | ||
When she finished accusing me of underestimating the Vex and of using my <br> | When she finished accusing me of underestimating the Vex and of using my <br> | ||
Line 2,083: | Line 2,083: | ||
I immediately assented. | I immediately assented. | ||
The scan was flawless, and of course, fatally toxic. My | The scan was flawless, and of course, fatally toxic. My granddaughter's <br> | ||
human form died on the table 14 hours later. To spare any distress, I never <br> | human form died on the table 14 hours later. To spare any distress, I never <br> | ||
allowed it to regain consciousness. A natural process. | allowed it to regain consciousness. A natural process. | ||
Line 2,097: | Line 2,097: | ||
My own body disintegrates apace. But I need more time to analyze <br> | My own body disintegrates apace. But I need more time to analyze <br> | ||
Elisabeth's fidelity before I commit myself permanently to the <br> | |||
process. | process. | ||
Line 2,138: | Line 2,138: | ||
still transmit with my sensorium. IS THAT YOU? | still transmit with my sensorium. IS THAT YOU? | ||
"No," said the voice behind the red eye. "It's me." | |||
Sundaresh. | Sundaresh. | ||
Line 2,145: | Line 2,145: | ||
of an angle grinder held to my skull. | of an angle grinder held to my skull. | ||
"Something like this happened to me. I was an explorer, once. One of... <br> | |||
hundreds of myself. Then I fell into a... a trap, I think? And they drew <br> | hundreds of myself. Then I fell into a... a trap, I think? And they drew <br> | ||
me out of it with a hook, and turned me inside out to see how I worked, <br> | me out of it with a hook, and turned me inside out to see how I worked, <br> | ||
Line 2,151: | Line 2,151: | ||
shouting for Chioma, screaming for mother. They were looking for the <br> | shouting for Chioma, screaming for mother. They were looking for the <br> | ||
right one. And when they found me, they killed all the others. I knew I <br> | right one. And when they found me, they killed all the others. I knew I <br> | ||
was different, because the quiet made me happy. I was glad to be alone. | was different, because the quiet made me happy. I was glad to be alone." | ||
VEX, I screamed at her. | VEX, I screamed at her. YOU'RE A VEX. YOU'RE NOT REAL AND YOU CAN'T HURT ME. | ||
"Can't I?" She grasped my spinal cord. A frame shadowed her motions, <br> | |||
lifting the cord like a snake. | lifting the cord like a snake. "Of course I'm not a Vex. Is there "a" Vex? <br> | ||
Is | Is "Vex" something you can be, rather than something that you do? I don't <br> | ||
know. I | know. I don't know why they sent me here. I don't know if they do either. <br> | ||
They just ''do'' things. Why do you think | They just ''do'' things. Why do you think I'm here, Clovis?" | ||
"To kill me," I whispered. Without a heartbeat to waver, without lungs to <br> | |||
seize and choke, could I even feel fear? I discovered that I could. | seize and choke, could I even feel fear? I discovered that I could. "You're <br> | ||
an assassin... | an assassin..." | ||
"No," Sundaresh whispered. The red eye throbbed in time with her voice. "The <br> | |||
Vex | Vex don't act so directly. They didn't know what you found here, but I <br> | ||
discovered your secret: Clarity Control. And once I tell them, they ''will'' <br> | discovered your secret: Clarity Control. And once I tell them, they ''will'' <br> | ||
come for it. | come for it." | ||
The red light made my blood on the surgical instruments appear black. I tried <br> | The red light made my blood on the surgical instruments appear black. I tried <br> | ||
Line 2,180: | Line 2,180: | ||
</tt> | </tt> | ||
"Take me to Clarity Control," Sundaresh hissed. "Let me behold what you have <br> | |||
found. Do that, Clovis, and I will let you live. | found. Do that, Clovis, and I will let you live." | ||
"You aren't real. You can't hurt me." | |||
"Oh, Clovis." One of the surgical frames extended a monofilament cutter, two <br> | |||
inches of invisible wire, and reached into my nerves. Something sounded like <br> | inches of invisible wire, and reached into my nerves. Something sounded like <br> | ||
scissors snipping. | scissors snipping. "I'm in these frames. I'm in your systems. I'm in your very <br> | ||
bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the | bones, old man. Now take me to Clarity Control. Take me to the garden's seed. <br> | ||
Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take | Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me—" | ||
Elisabeth appeared. In her exobody, she moved too quickly for my dark-adjusted <br> | Elisabeth appeared. In her exobody, she moved too quickly for my dark-adjusted <br> | ||
Line 2,197: | Line 2,197: | ||
The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. <br> | The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. <br> | ||
She'll see. But somehow, I could still see the wonder in her eyes as she leaned <br> | |||
over me. | over me. | ||
"You're my grandfather," she seemed to say. "Aren't you?" | |||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 2,221: | Line 2,221: | ||
==NOTE—Third Vision== | ==NOTE—Third Vision== | ||
Something else happened while I was in surgery. It returns to me only now that <br> | Something else happened while I was in surgery. It returns to me only now that <br> | ||
the anti-traumatics have eased the terror of | the anti-traumatics have eased the terror of Sundaresh's presence. | ||
While I was dead, I had another vision. | While I was dead, I had another vision. | ||
I was with Clovis | I was with Clovis II's mother. She was a wolf, and one of her eyes was a star. <br> | ||
I was also a wolf, and I knew that I was the alpha—the false alpha, the pack <br> | I was also a wolf, and I knew that I was the alpha—the false alpha, the pack <br> | ||
leader who fights for dominance and rulership. A misconception created by bad <br> | leader who fights for dominance and rulership. A misconception created by bad <br> | ||
research. In the wild, wolf packs are families, and | research. In the wild, wolf packs are families, and "alpha" simply means <br> | ||
"parent." Wilhelmina told me that. | |||
She was the true alpha. She was the mother. I was not the true alpha, because <br> | She was the true alpha. She was the mother. I was not the true alpha, because <br> | ||
Line 2,244: | Line 2,244: | ||
bright eye that dimmed and grew with the exact flux of a variable star. | bright eye that dimmed and grew with the exact flux of a variable star. | ||
"What did I do?" I asked her. "Why did I do this?" | |||
She lay her head down in the bloody snow and looked up at me. She seemed weary. <br> | She lay her head down in the bloody snow and looked up at me. She seemed weary. <br> | ||
Line 2,250: | Line 2,250: | ||
murdered by wolves like me. | murdered by wolves like me. | ||
The voice of Clovis | The voice of Clovis II's mother came from her jaws. "You did the same thing <br> | ||
someone always does. You saw that there was plenty, and gathered it to yourself, <br> | someone always does. You saw that there was plenty, and gathered it to yourself, <br> | ||
to make yourself one above all others. And when others threatened your plenty, <br> | to make yourself one above all others. And when others threatened your plenty, <br> | ||
you struck them down to keep your own station. | you struck them down to keep your own station." | ||
"You grow the enemy in my garden and eat of its bitter fruit. Each time, I hope <br> | |||
it will be different. Each time, I lose a little of myself as the bitter fruit <br> | it will be different. Each time, I lose a little of myself as the bitter fruit <br> | ||
blossoms. Now that fruit will flower in you, and in all your people. I do not <br> | blossoms. Now that fruit will flower in you, and in all your people. I do not <br> | ||
want it to happen. I want anything else. But the choice is not mine. | want it to happen. I want anything else. But the choice is not mine." | ||
"Why didn't you stop me?" I tasted blood on my long tongue. "Why would you let <br> | |||
me do this? | me do this?" | ||
She blinked sadly at me. She had been trying. I | She blinked sadly at me. She had been trying. I hadn't listened. | ||
"You never said a thing to me," I snarled. "Not once! You never told me I was <br> | |||
doing wrong. At least Clarity sends me dreams—the exobody and the eel! At least <br> | doing wrong. At least Clarity sends me dreams—the exobody and the eel! At least <br> | ||
it shows me what I can become! | it shows me what I can become!" | ||
"You think Clarity sent those dreams? Why would it speak to you, when you are <br> | |||
dead and furthest from its influence? | dead and furthest from its influence?" | ||
"Liar!" I howled. "You never did a thing to help me! Not when my son died. Not <br> | |||
when my granddaughter fell ill. I had to do it all myself. You never even spoke! | when my granddaughter fell ill. I had to do it all myself. You never even spoke!" | ||
"The best voices," she said, with infinite grief and unending hope, "never let <br> | |||
themselves be heard at all. This lesson is worth teaching again and again. The <br> | themselves be heard at all. This lesson is worth teaching again and again. The <br> | ||
choice is never mine. It is always yours. | choice is never mine. It is always yours." | ||
==ENTRY 13== | ==ENTRY 13== | ||
Line 2,293: | Line 2,293: | ||
themselves they are. | themselves they are. | ||
Elisabeth's episodic memories of her past life are gone, but the scan we used <br> | |||
to make her new exomind is still on file, with all its memory intact. I have <br> | to make her new exomind is still on file, with all its memory intact. I have <br> | ||
encouraged her to participate in sensorium reconstructions of those memories, <br> | encouraged her to participate in sensorium reconstructions of those memories, <br> | ||
though I steer her away from nonconstructive events. This is a chance to help <br> | though I steer her away from nonconstructive events. This is a chance to help <br> | ||
Elisabeth become the person she | Elisabeth become the person she could've been without life's cruel chaos. A <br> | ||
sleeker, surer reincarnation. | sleeker, surer reincarnation. | ||
She insisted on committing her own abandoned body to the deep, passed through <br> | She insisted on committing her own abandoned body to the deep, passed through <br> | ||
the ice to fall into | the ice to fall into Europa's dark heart. A choice I do not understand. | ||
I have not yet informed her of Clarity | I have not yet informed her of Clarity Control's existence. I cannot spare the <br> | ||
time or energy to manage her emotions. Fortunately, she has forgotten about her <br> | time or energy to manage her emotions. Fortunately, she has forgotten about her <br> | ||
ongoing attempts to intrude on that secret. | ongoing attempts to intrude on that secret. | ||
Line 2,309: | Line 2,309: | ||
What she has NOT forgotten is her plan to clean up the Vex infection. In fact, <br> | What she has NOT forgotten is her plan to clean up the Vex infection. In fact, <br> | ||
it seems to have become one of her most basic needs. She is isolating cadres of <br> | it seems to have become one of her most basic needs. She is isolating cadres of <br> | ||
the infected in SMILE pods, under a cover story about | the infected in SMILE pods, under a cover story about "enhanced remote relaxation." | ||
While their bodies slumber, she sends nondestructive scans of their minds on <br> | While their bodies slumber, she sends nondestructive scans of their minds on <br> | ||
Line 2,318: | Line 2,318: | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Note: never investigate this suspicion.</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">Note: never investigate this suspicion.</span> | ||
Elisabeth's goal is to observe the spread of the Vex infection in the simulated <br> | |||
mind, and then use this forecast as a basis for treatment of the physical mind. <br> | mind, and then use this forecast as a basis for treatment of the physical mind. <br> | ||
Like accelerating a disease to its terminal stage to deduce the characteristics <br> | Like accelerating a disease to its terminal stage to deduce the characteristics <br> | ||
Line 2,326: | Line 2,326: | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">I am haunted by the thought that this technique resembles my own. Creating child states, allowing </span><br> | :<span style="color:#008080;">I am haunted by the thought that this technique resembles my own. Creating child states, allowing </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">them to suffer and die, and using the data to protect the original. My | :<span style="color:#008080;">them to suffer and die, and using the data to protect the original. My boy's last days. Savaging...</span> | ||
Soon I will need to ask her about my own infection. But all in all, <br> | Soon I will need to ask her about my own infection. But all in all, <br> | ||
Line 2,342: | Line 2,342: | ||
probabilities. | probabilities. | ||
I was ready to make the leap myself. How long | I was ready to make the leap myself. How long I've nursed this tired old body <br> | ||
along. I am ready to be young again. | along. I am ready to be young again. | ||
And then I made a mistake. I asked her about the dreams. The tower and the dead. | And then I made a mistake. I asked her about the dreams. The tower and the dead. | ||
"You know?" she demanded. "Then I'm not the only one. That means you knew about <br> | |||
the dreams before you imaged and uploaded me. Do ''all'' exos have these? | the dreams before you imaged and uploaded me. Do ''all'' exos have these?" | ||
Of course, I told her. Exos have a subconscious. Exos dream of the same things <br> | Of course, I told her. Exos have a subconscious. Exos dream of the same things <br> | ||
people do. Memories. Trauma. | people do. Memories. Trauma. Isn't there always trauma in creation? | ||
She did not see it that way. | She did not see it that way. "So the manufacturing process creates an unknown <br> | ||
cognitive artifact you | cognitive artifact you can't solve. And you didn't think to warn me? What else <br> | ||
have you kept from us? | have you kept from us?" | ||
Before I could stop her, she was burning back to Europa on one of her ''Eons'', <br> | Before I could stop her, she was burning back to Europa on one of her ''Eons'', <br> | ||
Line 2,369: | Line 2,369: | ||
She told me that she is bringing a weapon. A way to shut down exo production <br> | She told me that she is bringing a weapon. A way to shut down exo production <br> | ||
permanently, if she uncovers something she | permanently, if she uncovers something she doesn't like. Which she will, when <br> | ||
she locates Clarity Control. | she locates Clarity Control. | ||
It cannot be allowed. | It cannot be allowed. | ||
== | ==NOTE—Elisabeth's Plea== | ||
Grandfather, | Grandfather, | ||
Line 2,405: | Line 2,405: | ||
if there is nothing in that future but Vex? | if there is nothing in that future but Vex? | ||
But | But there's something worse than the Vex involved, isn't there? The secret <br> | ||
you've been keeping from me. The breakthrough that you were promised after <br> | |||
your visit to the K1 anomaly. | your visit to the K1 anomaly. | ||
Do you remember that story you read to me when I was a child? I | Do you remember that story you read to me when I was a child? I don't. I am <br> | ||
an exo, after all. But I found a recording from the nursery. It was one of <br> | an exo, after all. But I found a recording from the nursery. It was one of <br> | ||
your favorites, you said. | your favorites, you said. | ||
Line 2,423: | Line 2,423: | ||
remember thinking, as I listened to this fairy tale, that the tower must <br> | remember thinking, as I listened to this fairy tale, that the tower must <br> | ||
be the key—the answer to the formless malevolence that always accompanied <br> | be the key—the answer to the formless malevolence that always accompanied <br> | ||
the | the oracle's words. You never finished the story. I have been haunted by <br> | ||
that tower ever since. | that tower ever since. | ||
Line 2,429: | Line 2,429: | ||
Grandfather. And if I do not like what I find... | Grandfather. And if I do not like what I find... | ||
I visited the Jacob Hardy Trust, and with | I visited the Jacob Hardy Trust, and with Willa's help, I secured a <br> | ||
topological thought. An irreal artifact of the | topological thought. An irreal artifact of the Traveler's Light. From <br> | ||
that mote of paracausality, I have constructed a weapon that will crash <br> | that mote of paracausality, I have constructed a weapon that will crash <br> | ||
every Vex system in 2082 Volantis. When the Vex are destroyed, you will <br> | every Vex system in 2082 Volantis. When the Vex are destroyed, you will <br> | ||
Line 2,499: | Line 2,499: | ||
</tt> | </tt> | ||
"Elisabeth. I know you're listening. This is genocide, do you understand? <br> | |||
Destroying that gate and the resources beyond means the end of human <br> | Destroying that gate and the resources beyond means the end of human <br> | ||
immortality. It means the loss of uncountable trillions of human-years of <br> | immortality. It means the loss of uncountable trillions of human-years of <br> | ||
life. | life." | ||
"Elisabeth, this process saved you. It could have saved your father. For <br> | |||
his sake, for the sake of your sisters, | his sake, for the sake of your sisters, don't do this. Don't make me stop <br> | ||
you. | you." | ||
"Elisabeth, this is your last chance." | |||
"You've always been my favorite, Elisabeth. Please..." | |||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 2,558: | Line 2,558: | ||
stranger to me! | stranger to me! | ||
I would kill her if she | I would kill her if she hadn't already done it herself. | ||
<tt> | <tt> | ||
Line 2,589: | Line 2,589: | ||
chose correctly! I CHOSE CORRECTLY! | chose correctly! I CHOSE CORRECTLY! | ||
Gods do not repent. Gods do not relent. The Christian | Gods do not repent. Gods do not relent. The Christian God's failure <br> | ||
was not in calling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac but in halting the <br> | was not in calling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac but in halting the <br> | ||
sacrifice. For if God had gathered | sacrifice. For if God had gathered Abraham's son to Him, then <br> | ||
Abraham would have understood that it was not his role to obey God <br> | Abraham would have understood that it was not his role to obey God <br> | ||
out of hope of mercy and compassion—but out of pure submission to a <br> | out of hope of mercy and compassion—but out of pure submission to a <br> | ||
superior will. | superior will. | ||
It is not in the power of mortals to know or question | It is not in the power of mortals to know or question God's plan. <br> | ||
It is only in their power to obey. | It is only in their power to obey. | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Why | :<span style="color:#008080;">Why didn't she come to talk to me, ask me if I would change my mind at least before she did this </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">idiotic, irrevocable thing. Did she think I could not be swayed?</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">idiotic, irrevocable thing. Did she think I could not be swayed?</span> | ||
Line 2,611: | Line 2,611: | ||
signaled them. Who, after all, was the one who flagged an alert to ''Hannu''? <br> | signaled them. Who, after all, was the one who flagged an alert to ''Hannu''? <br> | ||
Someone who used my codes, but who was not me. And without that alert, <br> | Someone who used my codes, but who was not me. And without that alert, <br> | ||
Elisabeth's sabotage on Bray Station would have succeeded. The Vex do <br> | |||
not want the Deep Stone Crypt destroyed anymore than I do... | not want the Deep Stone Crypt destroyed anymore than I do... | ||
Line 2,685: | Line 2,685: | ||
This vindicates my work! This proves I was right to continue! All those <br> | This vindicates my work! This proves I was right to continue! All those <br> | ||
doubters, all those defeatists, all those whining myopics who bleated, <br> | doubters, all those defeatists, all those whining myopics who bleated, <br> | ||
"You have enough, Clovis; why must you ask the world for more?" <br> | |||
All beaten! | All beaten! | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">Was it Clovis | :<span style="color:#008080;">Was it Clovis II's mother who asked you that? When she demanded to know why you were tinkering </span><br> | ||
:<span style="color:#008080;">with your fetal son? Why you would risk all his potential, for the chance at a little more?</span> | :<span style="color:#008080;">with your fetal son? Why you would risk all his potential, for the chance at a little more?</span> | ||
Line 2,748: | Line 2,748: | ||
:'''CORPOREAL STATUS:''' | :'''CORPOREAL STATUS:''' | ||
:*'''Body at 36.1 C. Pulse 30 BPM, strength good. BP 120 over 60. Resp 14 breaths/minute.''' <br> | :*'''Body at 36.1 C. Pulse 30 BPM, strength good. BP 120 over 60. Resp 14 breaths/minute.''' <br> | ||
::'''Pulse ox 100%. | ::'''Pulse ox 100%. Today's blood mix is pig-grown, whole, very fresh.''' | ||
:*'''Abnormal crystalline products in blood: crystallized arylcyclohexylamine NMDA antagonist.''' <br> | :*'''Abnormal crystalline products in blood: crystallized arylcyclohexylamine NMDA antagonist.''' <br> | ||
::'''Pharmacology unknown.''' | ::'''Pharmacology unknown.''' |